Because Of Las Vegas

This probably sounds cliché and a bit morbid, but I can't stop thinking about the parents that died senselessly in Las Vegas on the weekend; Young vibrant people with small carefree children. What a huge shift in day-to-day reality these families must be experiencing now.

It makes me, selfishly, think about how if I was to leave tomorrow, my kids might not have a memory of me. And it hurts me so deeply for them.

I've been quite open about how parenthood has been challenging for me, but the challenges have always been because of my own shit, never ever because of them. They are the most amazing kids. They make me laugh every single day, and at least once a day I think of how lucky I am to have them in my life.

I tell them probably a hundred times a day that I love them. Every night I whisper in my oldest's ear 'I love you so much'. We joke back and forth 'I love youuuuu more!', but I know I will always love him more. My youngest can't talk yet, but he brings so much joy to my world I actually can't even comprehend it myself. He's the happiest baby and my heart bursts thinking of him.

Parenting can be really difficult, and it's easy to get caught up in the bad moments when life is busy and crazy. But in spite of all the complexities, nothing can ever change how much I love my family. I can only hope that one day I get the opportunity to express that immense love to my children, when they are old enough to truly understand it.

Roy's Home Birth Story

*Disclaimer: Trigger warning for those that have dealt with birth loss or birth trauma. 



I had been worried sick about going into labour naturally since I found out I was pregnant for the second time. Being induced with my first son was one of the toughest experiences of my life, and I wanted to try to avoid it at all costs. So much so, that I planned for an all natural no med home birth. I'm not really a 'granola' person, I just knew that my first birth had all the drugs in the world and was in the hospital ... and it still sucked big time; there had to be a better way. So I figured, why not try the complete opposite?

My biggest fear was that my body just wasn't built to go into labour on its own, and the same medical induction process would have to happen with baby number 2. As a result of my paranoia, for about a week leading up to Roy's birth I tried all the old wives tale tricks to 'naturally' get things going: dates, evening primrose oil, sex, walking, acupuncture, bouncing on a yoga ball... you name it.

The morning I went into labour I had gone to chiro and then for a 30min walk. As soon as I got home, around 11am, I started having contractions 10 minutes apart. They weren't too strong, especially compared to the manufactured contractions I experienced with my first birth, but they were regular enough to pay attention and start timing. I didn't want to get my hopes up, but I was excited. Maybe I could trust my body after all...

The contractions got closer together and around 2:30pm I called my midwife Tiffany to say maybe this was it. She listened to a contraction and told me to call her back in an hour or when things were unbearable. At 3:30pm I called and told her to come check me - things were getting intense. It took Tiffany an hour to get to the house because it was now rush hour. By the time she got through the door things had ramped up a whole lot. I was moaning and really needed to focus to get through each surge. At one point I remember looking into my own eyes in the bathroom mirror between contractions and saying 'you can do this' over and over. At another I remember puking pretty hard. At another I remember feeling so infinitely tired, and another every single part of my body shaking.

When Tiffany first checked me around 4:30pm I was 7cm dilated. In the midst of the intensity I was so happy my birth was actually going as I had hoped, but was super scared to be doing it drug free. Fortunately things were happening so fast that I didn't really have time to opt for a different plan even if I had wanted to. Tiffany told me to switch positions every 15 min: shower, stairs, hands and knees, etc, until I made the transition to 10cm. This is when shit got real; Not only because of how overwhelming the labour process was, but because just a few minutes later we lost the sound of Roy's heartbeat on the doppler.

My husband called our doula Sydney, and she arrived around 5pm. At this point I'm on my bed in the fetal position. Trying to change positions at this deep in the game was pure agony, but I had to because we weren't getting a good reading of the baby's heart rate. When I moved to my hands and knees the primal urge to start pushing kicked in, and it was like nothing I have ever felt or can accurately explain. In this position the heartbeat was gone completely. The other problem was Tiffany's back up midwife had not yet arrived to help deliver, so she was on her own.

At this point things get a bit blurry, but I remember being told to lie down and push the baby out RIGHT NOW. Sydney was instructed to call 911 for fetal heart rate. During my first contraction pushing Tiffany told me I needed to push harder; but I was giving it everything I had. I thought to myself that I was failing my baby, I wasn't doing my job good enough, and I wouldn't be able to get him out in time to save his life. On my second contraction I pushed with everything I had in the whole fucking universe, and he actually came out.  Not only did he come out, but he came out just a screamin'. I heard my husband say "You did it, you did so good!" I've never been so happy to hear a baby cry in my entire life. He was perfect - strong heartbeat, big, healthy. I had pushed out a 8lb 7oz, 21" boy in 10 minutes. It's absolutely amazing what our bodies can do.

Just a few minutes later both EMS and the second midwife arrived. They were told the baby was all good, but checked him out just to be sure. At this point it was placenta time (yay!), however nothing seemed to be happening in my body to facilitate this process. The midwife flagged the problem to the EMS attendants and asked them to stay just in case I needed to go to the hospital; apparently the placenta should be 'born' 15-30 minutes after birth, otherwise there is a risk of bleeding. Time was ticking away and it was still inside of me, and a lot of blood started pooling behind it in my uterus. Then a bunch of stuff happened really quickly which included the midwives hands and arms inside my lady bits, and I got an oxytocin IV to slow the bleeding. Then the cord broke off the placenta, which was apparently very bad, and I was told I was being transferred to the hospital.

I somehow managed to walk down my stairs and was then loaded up onto the stretcher and pushed into the ambulance. Just then, I felt major cramping and suddenly out came the placenta. Because we hadn't drove away yet my midwife asked if we could just wait in the back of the ambulance for 10 minutes in front of the house. My blood loss leveled out, and I was brought back to my bed with my new baby boy... all in all I lost 600cc's of blood. I guess we just had to put on a show for the neighbours before wrapping everything up.

Even with all the unexpected events, and no medication, this birth experience was better than my first. It was powerful, emotional, scary, and intense, but I was actually in control of everything. Even though at times my body took over, and I was forced to go along for the ride and not know where it would end up, it was better than being forced to lie on my back in a hospital bed for hours on end trying to manage contractions that weren't actually doing anything. 

Roy Zander - 8lbs 7oz

I know some people will read this and think these scary moments could have gone way worse because I was at home rather than the hospital. But I trusted my midwife immensely, and although the transfer time in the ambulance would have been a factor, she would have been administering the same medical attention as a doctor would have during that time. Obviously you can't predict what will happen, at home or in a hospital. I'm just grateful that my boy is healthy, I was surrounded by caring knowledgeable people during one of the craziest days of my life, including my husband, midwife, and doula. I had a healthy baby boy and am recovering well, and I actually got to experience the birth I wanted. 

Above all else, in spite of being so happy to have my 2 sons and the crazy life giving experiences that go along with them, I am extremely ecstatic that I never ever ever ever have to be pregnant and give birth again.




If you have any questions about how I prepared for my home birth (there were many things that actually really helped) please feel free to message me or post a question in the comments. 

Things Don't Get Easier, Only Different.

Recently a few friends of mine have had babies, and it got me thinking about being a new mom. Also, my son turned two and I've been reflecting about those first few months. For me, it was such an overwhelming experience. Not only was I learning how to truly take care of another human for the first time, but the personal changes in my lifestyle were hard to accept.

New Baby, New Mom

Looking back now, there are times I actually wish I had a new baby instead of a toddler. They were so easy... sleep, eat, cry, coo, repeat... right? But when I was in it, it wasn't easy. The lack of sleep was severely impactful. Feeling like I was doing everything wrong when I couldn't get him to stop crying was soul crushing. Barely finding the time to eat, shower, or brush my teeth made me feel like I had lost my identity; My only purpose was to be a mom... and that was hard.

During the first months of being a mom I never thought I would look back in two years and think that time was easy. And it reality, it wasn't -- because I was learning an immense amount of shit in a very short amount of time. It's like when you look back at a relationship and only remember the good times even thought there was a lot of strife. Maybe this happens for an evolutionary reason; so we forget how bad it was and want to procreate again. At any rate, while I certainly don't know everything about raising a baby now, I ended up figuring out a system and process that worked for me, and things got easier. But here's the catch: as those things got easier, other crazy hard new things began to develop. And there I was, clueless again.

I'm sure if you asked older mothers, this is just the nature of raising a child. You finally figure out one milestone and the next comes and kicks you in the ass. This is why I say things don't get easier, they just get different. This is why looking back I remember more good than bad; because I figured those early trials out, and they don't seem so challenging anymore. The upcoming unknowns and the ones I'm currently in the thick of seem much more daunting than the stuff I have already made it through.

Having a toddler is a lot easier, and a lot harder than having a baby. He can tell me what's wrong, he sleeps through the night, he's super funny, and he has basic needs that I understand how to fulfill - which are all great. But he also expects fairly constant entertainment with parent participation, and the games he enjoys at this stage I personally find so boring and hard to get into. He is starting to do bad things like hit, yell, and throw stuff when he's mad, and if I don't watch him for one minute you better believe he's into something he shouldn't be.

I love my son, and I love that he challenges me every day. I feel like a bad mom when I admit to finding his stages a struggle, but the reality is going through these periods with him do make me a better person. It's this perspective I try to keep when I am tired of it all. Being a mom has made me learn more about myself than I ever thought possible, and while it's hard, it's a process that only expands my knowledge and perception. For this, I am grateful for all the daily struggles.

15 Thoughts All Women Have In The First 3 Months Of Pregnancy

It seems fairly commonplace to keep your pregnancy a secret for the first 3 months of your pregnancy. During this time there are so many moments where you want to tell the world what you are going through! I's a confusing time, intense sensations are all around you, and you have to lie to everyone you know! 

It can help knowing many women go through the same thing, and it's pretty funny to read the thoughts that we all think but can't share with anyone. These are the 15 thoughts all woman have in early pregnancy when we can't quite share the news...

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I Have A Baby, But Don't Know How

I am getting to that time of my life where many people around me are having babies. I, obviously, also have a child. But every person's journey to how that child comes to be is different.

Before I started 'trying' to have a baby I assumed it would take a couple months to get pregnant, at least. My husband and I got engaged because we knew we wanted to start a family. So once the engagement was over, I thought we might as well throw caution to the wind and stop using any birth control.

I've had conversations with friends about what I did to get pregnant. Did I track my fertility? Did I do strange cultural practices? Did it take a long time? The truth is, I did nothing. Well that's not totally true... I did track my period on an app for my own knowledge, and the app did tell me what days I was more fertile. But other than that, I did nothing. The first time it was possible to create a human, we did. 

The Look

Out running errands with my toddler in tow, I often find myself giving other parents The Look.

Sometimes this look is reciprocated, and it makes me feel connected to them, like we are all part of the Borg or something - thinking with a shared brain going through the same motions and experiencing the same thing.

There are other times I give the The Look, and I feel like I might have done something wrong. Like I'm a bad parent or I offended the other parent or embarrassed them. This is never the intention of The Look.

I think, mostly, I give The Look because of a need for connection. But it's meaning is constantly changing.

At first with a newborn The Look meant "OHMYFUCKINGGOD what have we got ourselves into?!" It was a much more desperate look.

Not Quite Ready For Baby #2

When is the right time to have baby #2? That is what I find myself wondering lately. It seems everyone and their dog has an opinion about it.

"Oh... you are going to have 2 before 2? That's going to be hard."

"Three years apart is the perfect age gap."

"When is the next baby coming? You don't want them to be too far apart!"

You wouldn't believe how many complete strangers have asked me if I want another child. I feel very awkward answering them.

Essential Accessories for Camping with Children

Taking your littles camping this summer? Check out the article I wrote for FamilyFunCanada.com about the essential accessories for camping with young children! 

....Oh, and an excellent tip about camping with wine is included! 

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Parenting On the Bad Days

Most days I don't focus on the fact that I'm a mom. I still feel like myself and go through the motions without much thought about the immense responsibility I now have in my life. But the days that things go totally sideways, the days where everything is shit... those are the days parenting really gets in your face. And it's fucking hard.

In the past I would either drown my sorrows in booze or have a pity party in order to cope with a bad day. Now, neither of those options are available to me because I have a child and need to be sober/engaging for them. Dammit!

Living In The Online Parenting Present

The internet can be a pregnant woman's best friend. With such a new, scary experience it's reassuring to be able to google every strange pain or weird sensation. But delving into the depths of the interwebs can also be a black hole, especially when it comes to parenting.

Have you ever been suck in a wiki loop? It's that thing where you go to look up one thing on Wikipedia, and before you know it you have clicked on 20 links and you are learning about something so far removed from your original mission. That happens when you look up parenting advice all the time, and it is so overwhelming.

One of the best things I have learned is to stay in the present. Not with life in general, because that is way too zen for me, but specifically online. Sometimes I catch myself thinking about things that are so far ahead in the future: potty training, discipline, kindergarten, puberty... it goes on and on, further and further into time. 

If you start looking up all of these future parenting issues now, are you going to remember anything you read when they actually come around? More likely than not, you are going to be re-reading all the same articles and blogs, or there is a new best way of solving that problem, and the time you spent 'future parenting' will be time you could have gone and grabbed yourself a beer and done something for yourself for a change.

Not to mention the anxiety that already comes with all the predictable, but certainly not understood, parenting milestones to come. It seems like once you finally have one thing figured out, a whole new set of challenges comes your way. If you start thinking about current parenting stresses, the ones that could possibly come up next, and the distant ones, you are going to be a head case.

So fellow parents, lets all just live in the online parenting present. Forget first sleepovers and first boyfriends and first cars, and just google the things you need to know today. Ask your mommy groups about the most pressing of problems, and forget the fear of the future unknowns. Because doing the best you can right now with what you have is pretty much the best gift you can give your child, and yourself.

What Canadian Postnatal Care Can Learn From The Dutch

Today I came across an interesting article in the Huffington Post about an amazing way the Netherlands looks after women in the days following birth. I was overwhelmed with what the impact of such care would have meant to myself, and all Canadians.

Get this: In Holland a special nurse comes to your home for the first week (or longer) to help with postnatal care not only for the baby, but also the mother. Now, I had a midwife when I gave birth to my son, and one of the best things about midwife care, in my opinion, is that they come to your home for pre and postnatal check-ups. I was so grateful for her (shout out to the Saskatoon Midwives!), and felt so bad every time I heard of a mother having to travel for her postnatal care.

But the Dutch postnatal nurses, called kraamverzorgster, take things to another level. They not only do the regular check ups for mom and baby, and help with breastfeeding as midwives do in Canada, but they come to your home for a full 7-8 hours a day, acting as a caregiver for the mom's well being and ensuring she has all the support she needs. Including helping with older children.

Kraamverzorgster Back In The Day

The kraamverzorgster will even cook the mom breakfast every morning. Wait, whaaatttt? The hardest thing for me in the first few days after my sons birth was not sleep, as so many think. It was EATING. Every time I attempted to even heat up a cup of coffee in the microwave, my son squawked and it was back to breastfeeding. I truly think the first postnatal month I ate less than I ever have in my entire life. Help with food during this time is so important because of the trauma your body has just gone through, and the extra energy breastfeeding takes.

In this blog from an expat in the Netherlands she explains that the kraamverzorgster would even run errands for her! Wow, what a resource. I think any of us who have experienced having a child here in Canada realizes how amazing this would be, and how much we can learn from this Dutch postnatal care goddess program.

These beautiful nurses also do various other things like household chores (hello new baby laundry), logging all the poos and pees (we all remember that panic don't we!), and monitoring the baby's general health. And all of this is paid by health care!

So what can we do, mamas, to get this going at home in Canada? Spread the word and insist on better support from our health leaders? I have little hope of that happening, so maybe instead we spread the word about this being the best gift idea ever for new moms. Forget the diaper cakes and cute outfits; the next time one of your friends announces they are pregnant, get everyone to pool their money and fly over a kraamverzorgster from Holland. I think we can all agree, it would be the most life changing gift to ever be given!

Why New Moms Avoid the House At All Costs

Before I was a mom I believed that all moms of babies would rather stay at home than go through the hassle and stress of going out with their newborns. This could not have been more opposite for me, because as soon as I was well enough, (about 3 weeks postpartum), I used every excuse in the book to get out of my house.

Babies Line Up For One Of Many 'Mom Classes'

At first I joined as many classes as I possibly could. There was Mommy Connections Tuesday afternoon, mall walking Wednesday morning, Mom and Baby Yoga Thursday morning, and every day I didn't have something scheduled for, I desperately befriended another mom from one of my classes and made plans with her for a walk or lunch date. (You'd think with all the fitness I was doing just to avoid the house I would have gotten into amazing shape, but that's another story).

As my son got older, walks turned into play dates, and the classes available for mobile kids got fewer and further between. This led me to create a plan; scheduling my out of house chores for each day of the week so I had an excuse to get out at least once a day.

Except for the very first week of leaving the house, I never found being out and about with my son to be stressful. It gave me an excuse to put on clothes that day. It gave me a reason to shower, and converse with other adults. It made me feel more normal. Like most other first time moms, up until my son was born I was used to working full time. I had a reason to make myself look presentable every day, and I talked to colleagues and new faces. When you are a new mom all of that changes, and for me, being out of the house felt more normal than staying inside.

It's just now that I am starting to enjoy my home again. I'm not sure why; maybe it's that every day I am getting more and more used to my new routine, or maybe it's because my son is finally having moments where he can just sit on my lap for 5 minutes and we can enjoy each others company. Whatever it is, I'm glad that being home is finally not seeming so daunting.

I still try to leave the house every day, but the times I don't are starting to become less boring, and more comfortable. It's nice to once again feel at home, in my home. The memories I have of my house as a child are so comforting, I truly hope I can create that same feeling for my son. I guess the first step to getting there, is me being happy and comfortable with what I have.

Genevieve

12 Superpowers Every Mom Gains in the First Year of Her Child's Life

I was in the dark, like most mortals are before they have children. Don't get me wrong, as a child I knew they would make everything better. Even though that power faded as I got older, deep down I knew something was still different about mothers.

It wasn't until I actually became a parent I knew why: All mothers are superheros. I'm not joking, and to prove it to you I am going to let you in on a big secret. A mother gains a superpower a month in the first year of her child's life. 

Month 1: She Can Live Without Sleep

She doesn't even know how she is doing it, but she can go a full 30 days without sleep. There are event times during this month she actually doesn't even feel tired, like she is just used to this new way of living.

Month 2: Super Human Hearing

Her baby stirs and she can hear it. It's almost not even noise, but a sixth sense that wakes her. Spouses absolutely do not and will never have this power.

Month 3: Extreme Speed Eating

She can scarf a meal faster than  Kobayashi goes through 50 hot dogs. She's learned not to mess with an opportunity to eat. She never knows when that elusive food window will suddenly close, and she has learned to not tempt fate.

 

Month 4: Super Showers

After months of being pretty damn dirty she has finally mastered the art of the mom shower. She has the timing of when to jump in down to a science. And she cleans the dirtiest bits first just in case she needs to jump out with a second's notice.

Month 5: Feeding Queen

She is a milking maven. What used to be so confusing is now second nature. She can feed her baby where ever she wants without stressing, sweating, or worrying. She's had a steep learning curve, and is damn proud of every ounce her child has gained.

Month 6: Deciphering Cries

She's learned a whole new language in 6 months. Tired? Bored? Hungry? She can tell just from a subtle sound.

Month 7: Super Scent

She had an extreme taste of this superpower while she was pregnant, smelling things no average human could. Now the power is used mostly to smell dirty diapers the instant they happen.

Month 8: Super Human Sight

She can see the tiniest things on the floor that no one else can. And it's a good thing, because it seems her baby has inherited this superpower, and is oddly drawn to every single tiny choking hazard they can find. 

Month 9: Super Human Strength

Carrying a baby on her hip leads to her dominant hand becoming a force to be reckoned with. Everything can be done with one hand now, and things that used to be heavy feel like a feather.

Month 10: Expert Chef

At first figuring out what to feed her baby was overwhelming. Now she has snacks ready on a whim, and meals figured out for the baby way before her own dinner.

Month 11: Super Intuition

This is one of the greatest superpowers in a mothers life, and it is just starting to be honed now. She knows if something is wrong with her child even if no one else agrees, and she also knows, just by the sound of silence, when her child is up to no good. This power only strengthens as the years go on.

Month 12: The Ability to Forget Pain

It was only a year ago she had one of the most painful experiences of her life, but yet thoughts of doing it all over again begin to creep in. 

So now you know. Mothers are different because they are superheros. They even might be able to leap from tall buildings, if they had to. Regardless, they are always aware that with great power, comes great responsibility.

The Truth About Why Being a New Mom Is Hard

I've been doing some reflecting recently on the first few months of motherhood. I really found being a new mom challenging. With a one year old now running around and getting into everything, I look back at those early days and wonder what the hell was so hard? Babies have such basic needs: they don't move around, you have complete control over them... so why was I crying every day? Why was it so damn difficult?

After careful thought, I think I finally have some answers:

• It wasn't the baby that was hard, it was the reality finally hitting me that my life was never going to be the same, and having to actually accept that. 

The Best and Easiest Protein Pancakes for Babies

Ever since my son started eating solids, getting him to eat protein has been a struggle. I think partly because like many babies he's been slow to get teeth, which makes eating meat a challenge, but also because he just seems to prefer anything sweet over savory.

I mentioned this problem to my sister, and she passed me on a recipe for protein pancakes that are a staple in her house. I consider myself a pretty good baker, but these protein pancakes took a few tries before they really worked (I blame mom brain because they are ridiculously easy). The funny thing is, no mater how mangled they looked, my baby devoured them. Even today when I was making them he ate a pancake and a half, and this was after finishing his dinner!

Yummy Easy Protein Pancakes for my baby belly

I Don't Know How to Raise A Boy

Approaching 20 weeks into my pregnancy I was excited and nervous. Not only would it be the first (and only) time I actually saw the baby growing inside of me, but I was going to find out the gender of my child. 

I didn't realize how important gender was to me until I actually heard the words 'It's a boy'. I had wanted a boy. I was elated. But about two days later my head started to spin. I didn't know anything about boys! What the hell was I going to do with a little boy?

The 3 C's I Won't Discuss Online

Recently a story broke about a baby who died in Ontario as a result of a routine circumcision. It is tragic, and a reminder that all surgery comes with risks. The article, no matter where it was posted, came with a barrage of heated comments, both justifying and attacking the procedure. 

These comments put a spotlight on something I have been thinking about for some time: There are 3 C's in parenting that I will not discuss online. No matter how tempting, I refuse to contribute to them. 

The 1st C: Circumcision

I have a son. I had to make a choice to either do, or not do this procedure. I did a ton of research on circumcision, read countless articles and comments about it, and I have a very one sided opinion. But I won't tell you what it is online. I won't comment on any article about circumcision, no matter how bad I want to get my opinion across to those who disagree.

Your Child Is Alive, Job Done.

Forget the emotional attachment. Forget the fact that an alive human squished out of your body. Even forget those heart stopping moments of pure unabashed love. Sometimes having a kid comes down to the basics -- like literally just keeping them alive. And we don't really appreciate the fact that when it all boils down, that is really what our job as parents is. Let's change that:

Has your kid not reached that milestone all his peers have? Fuck it, you've kept him alive! And that's pretty amazing. 

Did your child cry today? Are they still alive? Way to go mama! You did your job!

Did you child spit out or throw every morsel of food you gave them? He's still alive isn't he? Job done!

The Worry

"Are you hoping for a boy or a girl?"

"It really doesn't matter, I just want them to be healthy."

Before I was pregnant I thought this exchange was habitual and meaningless. An automatic response from parents-to-be that hid their gender preference in case they didn't have what they really wanted. I didn't understand that really, more than anything, parents just want their kids to be healthy.

Hungover Parenting Strategies

We all know hangovers suck, but trust me, parenting first thing in the morning with a hangover is so much worse than you could imagine. After going through a particularly rough day recently I decided to share some strategies to dealing with your infant when you feel like a guilty dirty shameful excuse for a mom or dad.

Give Your Kid All the Things
You know all the things your child wants to touch but they never get to play with? Now is the time to give them to him. Let him play with whatever makes him the happiest and whatever keeps him occupied for the longest time so you can cry into the seam of the couch and try to pull it together