Thursday, December 17, 2015

The Truth About Why Being a New Mom Is Hard

I've been doing some reflecting recently on the first few months of motherhood. I really found being a new mom challenging. With a one year old now running around and getting into everything, I look back at those early days and wonder what the hell was so hard? Babies have such basic needs: they don't move around, you have complete control over them... so why was I crying every day? Why was it so damn difficult?

After careful thought, I think I finally have some answers:

  • It wasn't the baby that was hard, it was the reality finally hitting me that my life was never going to be the same, and having to actually accept that. 
  • It wasn't the baby that made me cry, it was my own feelings of uncertainty about becoming a mom, knowing I could never take this decision back, and trying to deal with that.
  • It wasn't the baby that made me feel inadequate, it was realizing that everything that made me successful in the past didn't matter anymore, and I didn't know if I would be successful at being a parent.
  • It wasn't the baby weight that made me feel unattractive, it was worrying I was never going to be looked at in a sexual way again because I was a mom.
  • It wasn't being alone with the baby that made me scared, it was realizing in an overwhelming instant how important people were, and how much I wanted them around me.
  • It wasn't just the hormones that made me so emotional, it was the vast amount I had to learn about my body, my child's body, and how to care for a human in such a short amount of time.

I look back now at those early months, and can't believe how much I have accepted things since then. I think change is what I was most afraid of at first, but over time I've come to terms with, and love, my new(ish) life. I'm not really all that different in the grand scheme of my personality. I just know a ton amount more than a year ago, I spend majority of my time with a baby instead of at work, and I drink a lot less alcohol in one sitting.

Being a new mom is one of the scariest things I have ever had to navigate through. But now that I'm a year into it, I can look back and see that the hard parts were all roadblocks I put in my own way, not my child. And the funny thing is, now that I've finally accepted my mom life, I kind of want to do it all over again. So as it turns out, I think becoming a mom has possibly made me much crazier than I thought.


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