Monday, July 25, 2016

I Have A Baby, But Don't Know How

I am getting to that time of my life where many people around me are having babies. I, obviously, also have a child. But every person's journey to how that child comes to be is different.

Before I started 'trying' to have a baby I assumed it would take a couple months to get pregnant, at least. My husband and I got engaged because we knew we wanted to start a family. So once the engagement was over, I thought we might as well throw caution to the wind and stop using any birth control.

I've had conversations with friends about what I did to get pregnant. Did I track my fertility? Did I do strange cultural practices? Did it take a long time? The truth is, I did nothing. Well that's not totally true... I did track my period on an app for my own knowledge, and the app did tell me what days I was more fertile. But other than that, I did nothing. The first time it was possible to create a human, we did. 

Monday, July 11, 2016

The Look

Out running errands with my toddler in tow, I often find myself giving other parents The Look.

Sometimes this look is reciprocated, and it makes me feel connected to them, like we are all part of the Borg or something - thinking with a shared brain going through the same motions and experiencing the same thing.

There are other times I give the The Look, and I feel like I might have done something wrong. Like I'm a bad parent or I offended the other parent or embarrassed them. This is never the intention of The Look.

I think, mostly, I give The Look because of a need for connection. But it's meaning is constantly changing.

At first with a newborn The Look meant "OHMYFUCKINGGOD what have we got ourselves into?!" It was a much more desperate look.