Friday, October 2, 2015

Your Child Is Alive, Job Done.

Forget the emotional attachment. Forget the fact that an alive human squished out of your body. Even forget those heart stopping moments of pure unabashed love. Sometimes having a kid comes down to the basics -- like literally just keeping them alive. And we don't really appreciate the fact that when it all boils down, that is really what our job as parents is. Let's change that:

Has your kid not reached that milestone all his peers have? Fuck it, you've kept him alive! And that's pretty amazing. 

Did your child cry today? Are they still alive? Way to go mama! You did your job!

Did you child spit out or throw every morsel of food you gave them? He's still alive isn't he? Job done!

Did you lose focus for 5 minutes and your kid lifted up all the vents in the house, exposing sharp metal and a dangerous hole? Good on you for catching it before he died. You did your job!

Did you clean the pee and poop off your child and whatever else the p&p touched in a timely manner? Nice job keeping your baby healthy and clean! 

Did you entertain your child by whatever means possible or whatever means your energy allowed at the time? Gold star mom! Way to keep your kid happy. 

Did you have to do absolutely everything in your arsenal to make your child go to sleep? Congratulations, he will live to see another day because of your efforts!

Did you enjoy an adult beverage after you child was in bed, and not clean up the house today because keeping them alive is exhausting? Drink up in that filthy house lady, you deserve it! 

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