Things Don't Get Easier, Only Different.

Recently a few friends of mine have had babies, and it got me thinking about being a new mom. Also, my son turned two and I've been reflecting about those first few months. For me, it was such an overwhelming experience. Not only was I learning how to truly take care of another human for the first time, but the personal changes in my lifestyle were hard to accept.

New Baby, New Mom

Looking back now, there are times I actually wish I had a new baby instead of a toddler. They were so easy... sleep, eat, cry, coo, repeat... right? But when I was in it, it wasn't easy. The lack of sleep was severely impactful. Feeling like I was doing everything wrong when I couldn't get him to stop crying was soul crushing. Barely finding the time to eat, shower, or brush my teeth made me feel like I had lost my identity; My only purpose was to be a mom... and that was hard.

During the first months of being a mom I never thought I would look back in two years and think that time was easy. And it reality, it wasn't -- because I was learning an immense amount of shit in a very short amount of time. It's like when you look back at a relationship and only remember the good times even thought there was a lot of strife. Maybe this happens for an evolutionary reason; so we forget how bad it was and want to procreate again. At any rate, while I certainly don't know everything about raising a baby now, I ended up figuring out a system and process that worked for me, and things got easier. But here's the catch: as those things got easier, other crazy hard new things began to develop. And there I was, clueless again.

I'm sure if you asked older mothers, this is just the nature of raising a child. You finally figure out one milestone and the next comes and kicks you in the ass. This is why I say things don't get easier, they just get different. This is why looking back I remember more good than bad; because I figured those early trials out, and they don't seem so challenging anymore. The upcoming unknowns and the ones I'm currently in the thick of seem much more daunting than the stuff I have already made it through.

Having a toddler is a lot easier, and a lot harder than having a baby. He can tell me what's wrong, he sleeps through the night, he's super funny, and he has basic needs that I understand how to fulfill - which are all great. But he also expects fairly constant entertainment with parent participation, and the games he enjoys at this stage I personally find so boring and hard to get into. He is starting to do bad things like hit, yell, and throw stuff when he's mad, and if I don't watch him for one minute you better believe he's into something he shouldn't be.

I love my son, and I love that he challenges me every day. I feel like a bad mom when I admit to finding his stages a struggle, but the reality is going through these periods with him do make me a better person. It's this perspective I try to keep when I am tired of it all. Being a mom has made me learn more about myself than I ever thought possible, and while it's hard, it's a process that only expands my knowledge and perception. For this, I am grateful for all the daily struggles.

Fashion Gift Ideas For The New Mom

OK OK... I know what your thinking. Fashion... New moms.... Oxymoron right? With mother's day around the corner I got to thinking about how much a really nice fashion gift would have been when I first had my son. I was in a fashion rut because I was so not willing to buy anything for myself. So this Mother's Day let's help the new moms in our lives out with a cute fashion gift for them, so they don't have to worry about it figuring it out themselves.

As a new mom the name of the game for me was comfort. But comfortable doesn't have to mean wearing PJs for 3 days straight (even though we have all done it... or was that just me?). So while you won't find any pencil skirts in this list, I tried to take these gift ideas up a notch from what I would normally buy myself. I think they are fashion gift ideas that every new mom would love to have in her arsenal.


A Really Really Nice Basic T-Shirt 
I don't know about you but when a t-shirt costs over $25 I can't bring myself to buy it. But the truth is there is often a reason for the higher price. The quality is better, it fits better, you feel better. A super good quality t-shirt will make a new moms day, because the simple comfort will be a step up from the bargain bin milk-covered t-shirts she's used to. Bonus points: Not see-through and not white.

Cry It Out Mom Gift Pick: Very light jersey V-Neck, $48, Splendid

What If Your Office Job Was Like Being A Parent?

Believe it or not, before I was a mom I worked for a living. I worked a lot. I loved my job and I invested passion and energy into my industry. With over a decade of work experience, it's hard not to compare parenting to a regular job. What would the differences be? How are things easier, or more difficult? 

Check out this comprehensive list below, and if you can relate, have a laugh with me at the reality of our new-found parenting lives.

12 Superpowers Every Mom Gains in the First Year of Her Child's Life

I was in the dark, like most mortals are before they have children. Don't get me wrong, as a child I knew they would make everything better. Even though that power faded as I got older, deep down I knew something was still different about mothers.

It wasn't until I actually became a parent I knew why: All mothers are superheros. I'm not joking, and to prove it to you I am going to let you in on a big secret. A mother gains a superpower a month in the first year of her child's life. 

Month 1: She Can Live Without Sleep

She doesn't even know how she is doing it, but she can go a full 30 days without sleep. There are event times during this month she actually doesn't even feel tired, like she is just used to this new way of living.

Month 2: Super Human Hearing

Her baby stirs and she can hear it. It's almost not even noise, but a sixth sense that wakes her. Spouses absolutely do not and will never have this power.

Month 3: Extreme Speed Eating

She can scarf a meal faster than  Kobayashi goes through 50 hot dogs. She's learned not to mess with an opportunity to eat. She never knows when that elusive food window will suddenly close, and she has learned to not tempt fate.

 

Month 4: Super Showers

After months of being pretty damn dirty she has finally mastered the art of the mom shower. She has the timing of when to jump in down to a science. And she cleans the dirtiest bits first just in case she needs to jump out with a second's notice.

Month 5: Feeding Queen

She is a milking maven. What used to be so confusing is now second nature. She can feed her baby where ever she wants without stressing, sweating, or worrying. She's had a steep learning curve, and is damn proud of every ounce her child has gained.

Month 6: Deciphering Cries

She's learned a whole new language in 6 months. Tired? Bored? Hungry? She can tell just from a subtle sound.

Month 7: Super Scent

She had an extreme taste of this superpower while she was pregnant, smelling things no average human could. Now the power is used mostly to smell dirty diapers the instant they happen.

Month 8: Super Human Sight

She can see the tiniest things on the floor that no one else can. And it's a good thing, because it seems her baby has inherited this superpower, and is oddly drawn to every single tiny choking hazard they can find. 

Month 9: Super Human Strength

Carrying a baby on her hip leads to her dominant hand becoming a force to be reckoned with. Everything can be done with one hand now, and things that used to be heavy feel like a feather.

Month 10: Expert Chef

At first figuring out what to feed her baby was overwhelming. Now she has snacks ready on a whim, and meals figured out for the baby way before her own dinner.

Month 11: Super Intuition

This is one of the greatest superpowers in a mothers life, and it is just starting to be honed now. She knows if something is wrong with her child even if no one else agrees, and she also knows, just by the sound of silence, when her child is up to no good. This power only strengthens as the years go on.

Month 12: The Ability to Forget Pain

It was only a year ago she had one of the most painful experiences of her life, but yet thoughts of doing it all over again begin to creep in. 

So now you know. Mothers are different because they are superheros. They even might be able to leap from tall buildings, if they had to. Regardless, they are always aware that with great power, comes great responsibility.

The Truth About Why Being a New Mom Is Hard

I've been doing some reflecting recently on the first few months of motherhood. I really found being a new mom challenging. With a one year old now running around and getting into everything, I look back at those early days and wonder what the hell was so hard? Babies have such basic needs: they don't move around, you have complete control over them... so why was I crying every day? Why was it so damn difficult?

After careful thought, I think I finally have some answers:

• It wasn't the baby that was hard, it was the reality finally hitting me that my life was never going to be the same, and having to actually accept that. 

The Worry

"Are you hoping for a boy or a girl?"

"It really doesn't matter, I just want them to be healthy."

Before I was pregnant I thought this exchange was habitual and meaningless. An automatic response from parents-to-be that hid their gender preference in case they didn't have what they really wanted. I didn't understand that really, more than anything, parents just want their kids to be healthy.

I am a Horrible Selfish Mom: I Weaned My Baby.

When my son was born I knew nothing about breastfeeding. It was terribly ignorant of me to just think everything would be fine, even though I had heard it was hard. What the hell did that mean? How could breastfeeding be hard? Your baby opens his mouth, in goes your nipple, and bam!, milk starts a flowin'. The reality for me was not that simple. It was 6 weeks of pain and bleeding and crying and feeding every hour and a half.

But this post is not about that, because in the end I figured it out. I sought the help of a lactation consultant, and my son was diagnosed with a tongue tie. After 6 weeks things were great. Perfect, in fact I would say. I had no need to supplement ever with formula. My son was gaining weight famously. It was another bodily miracle, and I was proud.

Fast forward to when son was 6 months old. Now, in my head I had never placed a time limit for how long I would breastfeed. I just thought, "I'll do it as long as I can". But what about what I wanted? Forget my ability, forget what I could do, what about my desires as an actual individual person? 

To My Pregnant Sister...

My sister: I am so happy you are pregnant and going to have a sweet baby soon. But thinking back to when my son was born 4 months ago, I realize that I might have said some things about birth and being a new mom that scared you. So I wanted to clarify them for you now. 

When I said labour was hell...

I meant it. 

The uncertainty was so scary. The contractions were the worst pain I have ever felt in my life. My water breaking was weird and gross and felt like the biggest period of my life gushing every time I stood up... for 18 hours straight. I screamed and cried and yelled just like the movies, but way longer. I told the nurse I couldn't do it, because I really didn't think I could.

Ten Things You Need For Your Newborn

When I was pregnant I never really got the nesting urge. I think part of the problem was I really didn't know what the hell I needed to buy. I had almost nothing for the baby around my due date, so I made a couple panicked shopping trips stocking up on random things. On top of this I never had a baby shower so I didn't have much given to me.

And guess what? I survived just fine with the little I had, and what I didn't have, but needed, I figured out very quickly and went and bought it (or more precisely had someone go buy for me). So with this in mind, here are my ten things every new mom needs to have to get through the first month - The real basics that will guide you past that crazy haze, so you don't have useless clutter during an already overwhelming month:

1) Car seat

Required to bring baby home in car. I have the Chicco KeyFit 30 and I love it. 

Holy shit. I'm a mom.

I always thought moms were 'different'. That something fundamentally changed inside when you became a mom. I looked at them differently. I judged them.

I'm only 2 months into this gig but I am all sorts of confused, because I still just feel like me. In fact if someone were to ask me if I had kids, I might hesitate because most of the time I don't feel 'mom' like.