I am a Horrible Selfish Mom: I Weaned My Baby.

When my son was born I knew nothing about breastfeeding. It was terribly ignorant of me to just think everything would be fine, even though I had heard it was hard. What the hell did that mean? How could breastfeeding be hard? Your baby opens his mouth, in goes your nipple, and bam!, milk starts a flowin'. The reality for me was not that simple. It was 6 weeks of pain and bleeding and crying and feeding every hour and a half.

But this post is not about that, because in the end I figured it out. I sought the help of a lactation consultant, and my son was diagnosed with a tongue tie. After 6 weeks things were great. Perfect, in fact I would say. I had no need to supplement ever with formula. My son was gaining weight famously. It was another bodily miracle, and I was proud.

Fast forward to when son was 6 months old. Now, in my head I had never placed a time limit for how long I would breastfeed. I just thought, "I'll do it as long as I can". But what about what I wanted? Forget my ability, forget what I could do, what about my desires as an actual individual person? 

Fundamental Post Baby Changes

I am now almost 6 months postpartum and have begun to notice some really really super serious fundamental changes to my personality. Things I would have never thought or done before are now commonplace. Below are 6 examples of what I mean.

Leggings are absolutely acceptable pants.
In my 20s I talked a lot of shit on women who wore leggings as pants. Especially when they weren't the most fit people. Well thank you world, because you have taught me a lesson. Spandex are 100% fine to wear out anywhere at anytime. You see, even though I've lost the majority of my 'baby weight', my body is not the same. Things are in different places. My pre-pregnancy pants were bought for a body that doesn't exist anymore. It's not about being fatter or bigger, its about being a different shape. I don't think I would have worn pants at all in the months after giving birth if it wasn't for these stretchy gifts from god. So legging ladies, I formally apologize for my stupid judgmental ways.

Shower Schizophrenia

So true!!! Haven't had a shower since my son was born that I didn't hear crying...

To My Pregnant Sister...

My sister: I am so happy you are pregnant and going to have a sweet baby soon. But thinking back to when my son was born 4 months ago, I realize that I might have said some things about birth and being a new mom that scared you. So I wanted to clarify them for you now. 

When I said labour was hell...

I meant it. 

The uncertainty was so scary. The contractions were the worst pain I have ever felt in my life. My water breaking was weird and gross and felt like the biggest period of my life gushing every time I stood up... for 18 hours straight. I screamed and cried and yelled just like the movies, but way longer. I told the nurse I couldn't do it, because I really didn't think I could.

Nap Math

Sometimes I feel like my life as a new mom is a complicated math question...

If Eli's nap time is in ten minutes, and you have an appointment in an hour and fifteen minutes and it takes twenty five minutes to drive to that appointment, should you: